Saturday, November 01, 2014

Exhausted, tired, over emotional and just over it all.

Note - the over emotional part of this is because I have just written this post and it didn't publish and has disappeared to I don't know where. It was hard enough to write it the first time, now I have to do it again.



My mother is a hoarder. You could say that it is like those shows on TV except I didn't have to deal with yucky food stuff. My husband would have had everything sent to the dump but it actually doesn't work like that.

A year ago my mother went into an aged care facility. Prior to that I was dealing with her illness. This year has been the year of dealing with her stuff.

I am an only child, so this has been my job. I have a wonderful supportive friend who has been with me, helping, guiding, and generally being there. I could not have done this without her, and I will be forever grateful.

This year has seen me walking a fine line of keeping my mother happy thinking that all her stuff is safe and keeping my family happy spending time with them.

So we started in March sorting through kitchen and laundry stuff, one or two days a week. We then stepped it up a bit and in June we started to attack this......

This was the back enclosed area of her place in June. We took loads to the dump. We filled the rubbish and recycling bins with as much as we could. We packed, and tossed. We found some good things and some bad. But we kept on.

My mother is also an only child so there was also stuff from my grandmother. She died in 1982, and her stuff had been packed since then. I doubt if it had been looked at but it had to be kept didn't it?

Mum's place is in an over 50's village so they have actually given me until today to vacate. Luckily I have a bit of extra time, but probably only until next Thursday as on Friday I have to go into hospital for the day to have a tooth removed. I have some other small health issues I have to see to as well when I get the time.

I am almost there. I have done two of the bedrooms,most of the house but I still have her bedroom to do. At this stage I still haven't worked out what to do with the furniture. I have been there just about every day this month.

I grew up thinking that it was normal to live this way. Everyday I still fight with the thinking patterns I learned as a child. I haven't told my mother just how much I have thrown away. It all has value in her eyes. She has mentioned quite a few times that I mustn't throw out those early editions of Cleo from the 70's because they must be worth a fortune by now. I am past caring if they are or they aren't.

I am exhausted - physically and mentally. I need to just sit and get myself back to where I want to be. I have learnt lessons I didn't really want to but hopefully which will make me a stronger person.

I will leave a thought here - please don't keep things because they are too good to use. I have been told this all my life and it has brought my mother and I to this point in 2014. She is unable to change but I can. I have seen how things deteriorate and then have to be thrown out, just because they were too good to use. I will use things and enjoy them and I won't leave a legacy such as this one for my family.