Saturday, November 01, 2014

Exhausted, tired, over emotional and just over it all.

Note - the over emotional part of this is because I have just written this post and it didn't publish and has disappeared to I don't know where. It was hard enough to write it the first time, now I have to do it again.

 

 

My mother is a hoarder. You could say that it is like those shows on TV except I didn't have to deal with yucky food stuff. My husband would have had everything sent to the dump but it actually doesn't work like that.

A year ago my mother went into an aged care facility. Prior to that I was dealing with her illness. This year has been the year of dealing with her stuff.

I am an only child, so this has been my job. I have a wonderful supportive friend who has been with me, helping, guiding, and generally being there. I could not have done this without her, and I will be forever grateful.

This year has seen me walking a fine line of keeping my mother happy thinking that all her stuff is safe and keeping my family happy spending time with them.

So we started in March sorting through kitchen and laundry stuff, one or two days a week. We then stepped it up a bit and in June we started to attack this......

This was the back enclosed area of her place in June. We took loads to the dump. We filled the rubbish and recycling bins with as much as we could. We packed, and tossed. We found some good things and some bad. But we kept on.

My mother is also an only child so there was also stuff from my grandmother. She died in 1982, and her stuff had been packed since then. I doubt if it had been looked at but it had to be kept didn't it?

Mum's place is in an over 50's village so they have actually given me until today to vacate. Luckily I have a bit of extra time, but probably only until next Thursday as on Friday I have to go into hospital for the day to have a tooth removed. I have some other small health issues I have to see to as well when I get the time.

I am almost there. I have done two of the bedrooms,most of the house but I still have her bedroom to do. At this stage I still haven't worked out what to do with the furniture. I have been there just about every day this month.

I grew up thinking that it was normal to live this way. Everyday I still fight with the thinking patterns I learned as a child. I haven't told my mother just how much I have thrown away. It all has value in her eyes. She has mentioned quite a few times that I mustn't throw out those early editions of Cleo from the 70's because they must be worth a fortune by now. I am past caring if they are or they aren't.

I am exhausted - physically and mentally. I need to just sit and get myself back to where I want to be. I have learnt lessons I didn't really want to but hopefully which will make me a stronger person.

I will leave a thought here - please don't keep things because they are too good to use. I have been told this all my life and it has brought my mother and I to this point in 2014. She is unable to change but I can. I have seen how things deteriorate and then have to be thrown out, just because they were too good to use. I will use things and enjoy them and I won't leave a legacy such as this one for my family.

 

 

16 comments:

Chookyblue...... said...

oh Lynda.........I feel your pain.........my Mum is a bit of a hoarder....."god help if you throw something out" she is hopeless...back to you.....I wished I was closer to come and help you.....I know it is very difficult to deal with all this....and still have to deal with your Mum too.........I have decided nothing is too good to not use.........no point having it if you can't use it because it is too precioous.......I do keep somethings but have started to be a bit more ruthless.......goodluck with the last bit and do what I do at home........i don't look at a house or even a room.......sometimes it is just a draw or a part of a cupboard that I sort.......and it is such a good feeling when it is sorted but I do have to be a bit strict on myself to keep it that way......sending big hugs.......

Susan said...

I would be in the car with Chooky on my way to help if I could. You will get through this....you ARE getting through this. I use just about everything, I try to view every day as a special occasion, and use my "good" things all the time. If they get broken it's a bit sad, but at least they were used. As for leaving things behind, I do have some boxes of stuff for my kids.......inside the lid is a note saying why I kept it and that they don't have to. I wish you strength for the week ahead, and some time for yourself soon. X

shez said...

Sending big hugs my friend.xx

Dasha said...

Oh Lynda. So sad that you have to be going through this. I had to do the same when my parents died. I was 32 by the time my Dad went, so I was really not in any way able to deal with the emotional side of tossing their life away then. Lots of hugs. Hope the rest of the year is a better time for you and your family.

Anthea said...

Lynda this is such a burden for you. Thanks for sharing such difficult personal things. It's really important to look after yourself as best you can while you carry out this work. And yes, DO USE the lovely items, because every day is a blessing & it's enjoyable to use those things, appreciate their beauty.
Big Hugs to you xx

gracie said...

Sorry that you are having to deal with all of this and glad you do have a friend to help you....

Michelle Ridgway said...

Oh Lynda. I can feel your distress and angst. What a burden you have been dealing with. My friends Mum told me when I was a young woman to use everything as all her "treasures" that she saved for "good" were blown to kingdom come in cyclone Tracey. Best advice ever! You are doing a fantastic job under very difficult circumstances... be kind to yourself. Big hugs xoxox

debbie said...

Oh Lynda,
Sending big hugs! I wish I was healthier so I could be of more help to you too, but you know you can always come for a cuppa if you need to escape and vent for a while. Anytime, OK!!!xxxx

Susan said...

It has been tough - even what you showed is mind boggling -cant imagine the rest - but you are nearly there and have survived, and learnt a lot.
Hang in there..and look forward to 2015.
I agree that its best to use "the good stuff" - special occasions are too rare.

Hugs.

Susan said...

It has been tough - even what you showed is mind boggling -cant imagine the rest - but you are nearly there and have survived, and learnt a lot.
Hang in there..and look forward to 2015.
I agree that its best to use "the good stuff" - special occasions are too rare.

Hugs.

creations.1 said...

I would come and help you but I am too far away. Sending you some strength via my thoughts and prayers. It is a tough time - one that my sisters and I are hopefully reducing to small scale - we have started getting mum to give the things she wants to family members now. truer words have not been spoken - use, use and use - our families probably won't want what we have, the things deteriorate over time and some one else has the not so nice task of sorting it all out. Take a few minutes for yourself each day and most importantly take care of your own health!!

Fiona said...

big hugz to you....it is a tough time sorting the things of someone you love....
Hugz

Anita said...

Oh Lynda...I would come help too if I could! As hard as it is....it is good that you can learn from this.....heck we all can! Hugs x

Anita said...

Oh Lynda...I would come help too if I could! As hard as it is....it is good that you can learn from this.....heck we all can! Hugs x

suz said...

it's so hard to do this under any circumstances - more so in situations like this. I think it comes from being part of the depression-they were concerned with getting rid of anything. I recently lost a very dear friend, quite young (59) and helped clean out her stuff. I realized my son would have to do this, so I've started on my own stuff - leaving labels for things I want to keep and why - he'll make those final, hopefully easy decisions himself - and hopefully there won't be too many to make. Sending you positive thoughts.

Jenny said...

Hugs for you Lynda . Find a big bath tub and a good bottle of wine in between all of this heartbreaking work.