I have some things to blog about but somehow I don't feel very chatty. I have been to a craft show and will write about that another time. My problem is that we have been helping my mother to move. I have come to realise that my mother has a very serious problem and I doubt that we will see it solved. Her problem - well, she keeps everything. I have had arguments with her about keeping old magazines, paper, plastic bags,curtain clips and things that should have been rubbish twenty years ago. You name it - she has kept it, and expected us to move it. Her new place which is is a nice new duplex in an retirement village is full and over flowing. She cannot park her car in the garage. And nothing we can say seems to get though that she will have a health hazard - both through dust and tripping problems. I could go on and on....
One thing which has come out out of all this is the realisation that I carry a lot of her thought patterns around in my head as well, and I need to do something so that I don't have this problem when I am older. I know that over the past 30 years since I left home I have grown and come to understand the issues that seem to be my legacy. However I do find myself saying things to myself that I know are things that she says - the biggest one being that I might need it one day.
With the state of the things that I have seen recently I realize the need to use things up and not get into the mindset that everything could have something made out out of it, or have a use to someone. I want my mother to enjoy her life,to take pleasure in creating, not being ruled by possibilites. An example - I found an old water damaged wooden bread board which she gave me permission to throw. But the thoughts must have been working because then she wanted to find it in the pile of stuff going to the dump because she could make a coffee table out of it. After I had gone she did get it out and yes, it is now in her new place, along all the other junk. I know that she will never do anything with it. (sighs) She had a chance to let something go but could not take the step.
This is still all very muddled in my head and I will work through it. I accept that she will remain this way, much as I wish she wouldn't, and when she passes on we will have to go through all this stuff again, although it will be easier next time. All I can do is try very hard to not repeat this for my own children.
So I will be working on going through my 'treasures' and enjoying using them. My stash will still get added to but I will be tougher on myself. I also need to organise things better so I can find everything. It could take a while though....
Just a photo of something peaceful - one of my favourite birds - a Pelican.
8 comments:
As I step up and over through my half sorted sewing room I understand where you are coming from. I guess now and again we all need a wake up call. Thanks for sharing your mum's dilema. Let's hope we balance a need for a stash and a compulsion to hang onto everything "just in case".
I can certainly understand the challenges facing you at this time. It's not always easy dealing with family issues but somehow we muddle through. Sending you best wishes.
That sort of struggle gets you doen, doesn't it? I don't save anything "for good" anymore. I try and use it all.
I think there are a lot of people in the world that have the same problem. In the end it probably has very little to do with the "things" but how the person is feeling about themselves and what the "things" represent to them. You are probably right that at this point you can not do much to change your mum but you can change yourself.
I could really feel your heart breaking for your Mum, and gosh it must be hard to recognise some of those traits in yourself. My FIL has the same problem, and hubby and I know we're going to have the devil of a time when he goes. I love flylady's take on the whole thing. She advocates de-cluttering and if it's useful but you don't use it, bless someone else with it if they need it.
*hugs*
Tazzie
:-)
A tough situation to sort through for sure. Trying to force her will make her cling tighter. I wish you luck with this situation. There is a site www.organizedhome.net. There are lots of suggestions for folks that need help getting rid of things!
Writing this piece had to have been good for you. At the end you have realized that the only person you can change is you, and you have vowed not to put your kids through this. Excellent!
decluttering is tough....try looking at Flylady
google flylady for the correct web address.
this may help....and you can print off some things for your mum to read????
Good luck! I am trying to do this with my mum as well! She is getting there....but slowly! :)
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